“You’d want to practice with a game in which they’re not overly invested - you don’t want to begin with high-stakes,” Dr. If a child is prone to melting down when they’re asked to stop playing a video game, scaffolding might be practicing transitioning away from the game. The parent would check in on them at intervals, and offer praise for their efforts. They might use a timer to give themselves periodic breaks. If they feel frustrated, they might get up and get a drink. Scaffolding in this situation might be helping the child with one problem, and then expecting them to try the rest.
Rouse explains, “what they feel is that the parent is frustrating them by making them do it.”
CONTROL SELF REFLECTION HOW TO
“Instead of the child recognizing that the work is frustrating and figuring out how to handle it,” Dr. If a parent hovers too much, they risk taking over the regulation role. Imagine a situation that can produce strong negative emotions, like a frustrating math homework assignment. Rouse, is not to avoid situations that are difficult for kids to handle, but to coach kids through them and provide a supportive framework - clinicians call it “scaffolding” the behavior you want to encourage - until they can handle these challenges on their own. The key to learning self-regulation skills, says Dr. “When you think of it as a skill to be taught - rather than, say, just bad behavior - it changes the tone and content of the feedback you give kids. “We approach self-regulation skills in the same way we approach other skills, academic or social: isolate that skill and provide practice,” Bezsylko explains. The parent or teacher needs to help the child slow down and more carefully choose an effective response instead of being impulsive. Scott Bezsylko, the executive director of the Winston Prep schools for children with learning differences, says that acting out is essentially an ineffective response to a stimulus. “If that’s a pattern that happens again and again, and a child is able to ‘outsource’ self-regulation, then that’s something that might develop as a habit.”Ĭhildren with ADHD or anxiety may find it particularly challenging to manage their emotions, and need more help to develop emotional regulation skills. “In those situations, the child is basically looking to the parents to be external self-regulators,” Dr. When parents give in to tantrums or work overtime to soothe their children when they get upset and act out, kids have a hard time developing self-discipline. Those kids may be more likely to experience trouble with emotional self-regulation when they’re older.īut the environment plays a role as well. Some babies have trouble self-soothing, he adds, and get very distressed when you’re trying to bathe them or put on clothes.
“A child’s innate capacities for self-regulation are temperament and personality-based,” he explains. Rouse sees emotional control issues as a combination of temperament and learned behavior. Why do some kids struggle with self-regulation?ĭr. For some families, parent training programs may also be helpful.įor older kids, a kind of therapy called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help with emotion regulation and distress tolerance. Mindfulness teaches kids how to focus on the present instead of the past or the future. Practicing mindfulness can help with self-regulation. Kids can learn to ask themselves: What went wrong? Why? How can I fix that for next time? When kids act out, encourage them to slow down and reflect. Praise them a lot when they do it and slowly add steps. Instead, parents can coach kids through tough situations. Breaking an activity into smaller, more doable parts can help. For instance, if your child has a hard time brushing their teeth, start with just putting toothpaste on the brush.
Self-regulation is a skill that children need to be taught and practice. The trick is not to avoid hard situations. Children with ADHD or anxiety may also have this problem. Some don’t develop the skills if parents always jump in to solve problems or help them calm down. Some kids are born having a harder time with self-regulation. But if your child is five or older and still having meltdowns a lot, they may need help learning to control their emotions or behavior. It’s normal for two-year-olds to have tantrums.
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